The Sin of Conjunctions used as Transitions

August 29, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments If there's one thing I personally can't stand, it's using conjunctions at the beginning of sentences. AND, BUT and OR are conjunctions used to string phrases together. They do not belong at the beginning of sentences.

However, let me clarify something. Using conjunctions at the beginning of sentences is part of the American language, particularly for those with less education. They will also be found in "street" dialects. Therefore, it can be used sparingly --please, very sparingly!-- in dialogue. Such things are not acceptable in narrative unless you choose deliberately to convey to the reader that the POV character is of the lower classes or less educated.

Acceptable: He gave them a nasty glare. "And I wanna add that I don' like being bribed."

Unacceptable: And he added, "I don't like being bribed." (Two sins in one, there. A conjunction and a lazy dialogue tag.)

Instead of using poor grammar, here are some alternatives provided by Peggy Roberts, one of my former editors.

To Add:
and, again, and then, besides, equally important, finally, further, furthermore, nor, too, next, lastly, what's more, moreover, in addition, first (second, etc.),
To Compare:
whereas, but, yet, on the other hand, however, nevertheless, on the other hand, on the contrary, by comparison, where, compared to, up against, balanced against, vis a vis, but, although, conversely, meanwhile, after all, in contrast, although this may be true
To Prove:
because, for, since, for the same reason, obviously, evidently, furthermore, moreover, besides, indeed, in fact, in addition, in any case, that is
To Show Exception:
yet, still, however, nevertheless, in spite of, despite, of course, once in a while, sometimes
To Show Time:
immediately, thereafter, soon, after a few hours, finally, then, later, previously, formerly, first (second, etc.), next, and then
To Repeat:
in brief, as I have said, as I have noted, as has been noted,
To Emphasize:
definitely, extremely, obviously, in fact, indeed, in any case, absolutely, positively, naturally, surprisingly, always, forever, perennially, eternally, never, emphatically, unquestionably, without a doubt, certainly, undeniably, without reservation
To Show Sequence:
first, second, third, and so forth. A, B, C, and so forth. next, then, following this, at this time, now, at this point, after, afterward, subsequently, finally, consequently, previously, before this, simultaneously, concurrently, thus, therefore, hence, next, and then, soon
To Give an Example:
for example, for instance, in this case, in another case, on this occasion, in this situation, take the case of, to demonstrate, to illustrate, as an illustration, to illustrate
To Summarize or Conclude:
in brief, on the whole, summing up, to conclude, in conclusion, as I have shown, as I have said, hence, therefore, accordingly, thus, as a result, consequently, on the whole,

More Transition Markers to use in place of Conjunctions below.

Some Useful Transition Markers
To repeat an idea just stated: In other words, That is, To repeat, Again,
To restate an idea more precisely: To be exact, To be specific, To be precise, More specifically, More precisely,
To illustrate an idea: For example, For instance, In particular, To illustrate, In this manner, Thus,
To mark a new idea as an addition to what has been said: Similarly, Also, Too, Besides, Furthermore, Further, Moreover, In addition,
To announce a contrast, a change in direction: Yet, However, Still, Nevertheless, On the other hand, In contrast, Instead of, On the contrary, Conversely, Notwithstanding, In spite of this,
To show cause and effect: As a result, For this reason, Therefore, Hence, Consequently, Accordingly,
Time: At once, In the interim, At length, Immediately, At last, Meanwhile, In the meantime, Presently, At the same time, Shortly, In the end, Temporarily, Thereafter,
Conclusion: In short, To conclude, In brief, On the whole, In summary, To sum up,

Passive and Showing vs. Telling

August 28, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments Yes, this is getting repetitive. Sometimes you have to explain something multiple times before the right phrasing or example comes up that causes the light bulb to go off in someone's head. Bear with me.

One of the easiest ways to spot passive voice is by the use of conjugations of "be": was, am, is with a helping verb ending in -ing or -ed.

Example: was willing, am going.

Instead of "she was willing" you can say "she eagerly nodded her consent." Not only are you showing the reader by the character's actions that they want to do that thing.

Action speaks louder than your words. Peppering your manuscript with descriptive and emotional actions will convey much more forcefully what's in the characters' heads than a narrative that simply says, "she was willing."

Would you rather read:

She was willing. She picked up the gun and left the room. He heard gunshots.

Or...

She nodded with a feral smile on her dirty face. Then, she snatched the AK-47 from the table and removed the safety like the pro she was. "Let's kick some ass." She darted out of the room, with her rifle firing a rapid staccato.

In the first example, the author simply told you what happened. In the second example, she showed you.

Passive voice is weak, lazy storytelling. It's a bad habit, but one that you can correct with a few button presses, because more often than not your helping verb can become active.

"She was nodding" becomes "she nodded."

"He was running" becomes "He ran."

Better still is to think beyond the most common verbs. Instead of "nodded", how about "jerked her chin". Instead of "ran" how about "dashed"?

In other cases, try something more descriptive.

"He was flabbergasted" is telling.

His jaw hung open and he stared, his blue eyes wide. "I don't believe you." That's showing.

Get it? I hope so.

Lena’s No-No List for Macros

August 27, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments ly
as- This is a biggie, lately. Use it with similes, but be careful not to use it to describe sequential events, such as: "As he turned, she shot him." Say instead, "He whipped around and beheld the Colt 45 in her hand. The crack of a gunshot, and he felt the bullet explode into his body...) Don't waste the opportunity to describe.

that
it
kind of
sort of
almost
maybe
somehow
something
***
Ing
be
been
being
are
was
is
will be
had been
am
were
have
would
could
should
went
ed

***
somewhat
perhaps
nearly
very
only
just
suddenly
almost
should
would
could
feel
felt
begin
began
rather
a few
seem
appear
quite
really
always
***
said
thought
asked
answered
cried
whispered
muttered
responded
nodded
And
But


FIRST PERSON MACROS
I = highlight only
Me= him/her
My= his/her
We
Us
Our = their (one at a time!)
-self = as in, myself, herself, himself. Just highlight and correct manually.
Mine

Macros for Self-Editing

August 26, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments Macros for Self-Editing

When you edit, you have to look for various things. We all have our own foibles; I repeat certain words, for instance, and then there are the things we need to check like speech tags, passives, the overuse of 'as,' and the rest! Checking all these things takes a lot of concentration, and still we miss one! What you need is a macro, a lovely tool that does all of these things for you. It will change all the things you need to look at into pretty colors, so that you can't miss them.

Here's how to do it.

1. Make a list of the things you want to change. Type them on to a new document in Word. (Note: I'll post my list tomorrow to get you started.)

2. In Word, go to: Tools - Macro - Record New

3. Type a name for your macro. You can't use spaces here, so keep it all one word. I call mine 'Editcoloron.' Click OK

4. You get a little box. On the left is a small toolbar with two button. The square one is to stop recording. The one with two lines and a dot is to pause. When you move the cursor you will see a little cassette tape next to it. This is to tell you that you are recording a macro.

5. Go to Edit - Replace

6. Click on the 'More' button.

7. In the 'Find What' field, type the word you want to change.

8. Type the same word in the 'Replace With' field.

9. Highlight the word in the 'Replace With' field

10. Click on the Format Button and select Font

11. On the Font Tab, pick a color. Click OK

12. Under the 'Replace with,' should be your font option

13. Click 'Replace All.' You will see the word typed on your document turn
a pretty color! This is how you keep track of what you are doing.

14. Now repeat stages 7-13 with all the words on your list until you have done them all. If you like, you can change the font color and group your words, as a kind of aide memoir as to why they are highlighted. Take note of the 'find whole words only' options. You can click and unclick this as needed. For instance, I uncheck it when I want to highlight 'ing' words because the 'ing' is at the end of the word. Of course, this means that you will highlight some words you don't need, but you will have to live with that (unless anyone knows a workaround for it!). But if you choose to highlight 'as' and you don't check the "find whole words only" box, you will have an awful lot of superfluous words!

15. When you're finished, click on the 'Close' button.

16. Click on the square button in the little box to stop recording the
Macro. That's it, you have your macro! Here's what my macro does; it highlights 'ing' words and 'ly.' It highlights speech tags so I can check that I really need them. It checks uses of the word 'to be' to check for passives. It checks usage of the word 'that' to see if I can cut it. It checks the words I tend to overuse. It makes editing a whole lot easier!

To run the Macro:
In the document you want to change:
1. Select - Tools - Macro
2. Scroll to find your Macro.
3. Highlight your macro and select 'Run.'
4. I have put the editing macros on to my "new menu" button on the menu bar
(see yesterday's lesson). It means you can run it directly.

Ok, you have a document you have highlighted and checked, but it's still full of pretty colors. How to get rid of them? You write a macro!

1. Tools - Macro
2. Record New Macro
3. Name your macro. Mine is Editcoloroff
4. Edit - Replace - More.
5. In the first box select the font color you want to change back
to
black. Leave the box blank.
6. In the second box, select black or auto. Leave the box blank.
7. Hit "Replace All."
8. Repeat steps 5 - 7 until all your text is back to black.
9. Click on "close" and then the square button in the macro box.
That's it!

More on Macros

I found that if you store too many macros in your normal.dot template, it
leads to template bloat. So now, I'm saving them in the Start menu instead,
and they open with Word. Here's how to do it, if you want to.

1. Create your macro in a new document called "Macros" or something
that will help you remember.
2. When you've closed your macro, click "File-Save as…"
3. In the box, choose "template" from the "Save as type" box.
Navigate to C-Program Files-Microsoft Office-Office-Startup folder and save it there. Note: In Word 2000 and later, you'll find your startup folder in C/Documents and settings/Your name/Application Data/Microsoft/Word/Startup

The Application Data folder is hidden by default, so you have to go
Into the Folder Options Advanced tab and select Show All Files.

Remember to save both the template folder and the Startup folder in
Your backups!

My thanks to Lynne Connolly, who first posted this.
Lynne Connolly, GSOLFOT, Author of historical and paranormal romance
EPPIE 2005 winner with the Richard and Rose book, "Harley Street"
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/lynneconnolly

The Hunt for It and That by M

August 25, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments Repetitive word use

Warning: Once you read this, you may well inherit my obsession for rooting these words out of my writing...

I'm talking about dinosaurs -- words no longer necessary to our language that hang around out of sheer stubbornness. We find these words used places where they aren't needed and have no meaning or impact on the sentence.

There are several words we should search for and simply delete before the book ever goes to final edits. Here's my hit list:
IT
OF
THAT
SUDDENLY
JUST

IT usually needs to be replaced. IT is like a fungus. IT takes the place of a word with meaning and simply consumes space. Try this, just to freak yourself out. In WORD, search for IT, whole word, and replace with IT, highlighted. After you crawl back up off the floor, spend some time cleaning up just one page. Maggie Osborne did this to me with a highlighter a few years back. Ohmygod. I nearly died.

OF -- when it doesn't mean anything or serve any purpose.

She ran out of the open door just as he stepped off of the porch.

Revision 1) She ran out the open door just as he stepped off the porch.
Revision 2) She ran out the door just as he stepped off the porch. (We KNOW the door's open. She can't transmute through doors.)


THAT. (This one is Kate Douglas' fault.) There are instances where that is used as a pronoun and totally necessary. -- Go get that. -- However many, many times that is just a total waste of space.

Here's a 2 for 1 special.

She thought that if she could just find her keys, she might make it on time.

Neither THAT nor IT lends anything to the sentence's meaning.

Revision 1) She thought if she could just find her keys, she might make the cross town drive on time.

Revision 2) If she could just find her keys, she might still make her court appearance on time.

(She thought didn't really add much either.)

Suddenly everything became clear. She saw the light. An Event Horizon took place. An epiphany.

Barf. Stop.

Don't tell me

He suddenly appeared on the other side of the room where she suddenly spotted him standing there in the mist that suddenly appeared.

That's not only narrative, it's just plain lazy. Give me real description. If suddenly is bad, make the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

He slipped into the shadows, crossing the room unnoticed, to appear at her side. A cold mist crept in through the open window, wrapping layers of doubt around her. Who was this man? What was he doing here?

If suddenly is good, let me feel it. Err that. Err ... the emotions suddenly evokes.

Fog rolled in across the water, blanketing the night in quiet. He stepped out of the shadows, waiting for her to notice him. Everything about her -- the set of her shoulders, the slight bow to her neck, the heaviness of her step -- spoke of the strain these last weeks had placed on her. One step. Then another.

"Richard!" she shrieked, throwing herself into his arms. "You're home!"

"Happy Valentine's Day, my love."

The Self Edit in a Nutshell

August 22, 2008 on 6:12 pm | In Writing Lessons | No Comments "Do it right the first time. Don't skip a step, or you will pay later. Note: if you use a computer, use the `find' feature available in most word processing programs to search for some of these items. See your individual program instructions for directions on how to do this. If you prefer to work with hard copy (paper), get different colored highlighters and use them to mark the offending passages.


Did you plot the rollercoaster of the Plot W?
Is there an opening hook in the first chapter?
Is there a closing hook at the end of each chapter?
EDITS System. (I will post this later.)
Read it out loud.
Did you backload?
Contractions?
Spell check! Grammar check!
Metaphors, clichés, and similes?
Where are the six senses in every scene?
Do you have flying body parts? (ie rolling eyeballs).
Get rid of `ly' words. These weak modifiers can be replaced with
stronger verbs and nouns. They often indicate areas where you
are `telling' and not `showing' as in the following examples:
a. Weak: Sam walked clumsily over the broken bricks.
b. Better: Sam stumbled over the broken bricks.

. Don't start sentences with `ing' words. They can lead to confusing
or impossible phrasing:
a. Weak: Putting his cup of coffee on the roof of the car, John drove
off. (How can he put his cup of coffee on the top of the car and
drive off at the same time - unless he's in the car and setting it
out through the window while driving - which makes even less sense.)
b. Better: John set his coffee on the roof of the car, dug out his
keys, and opened the door. A minute later, the forgotten coffee cup
became just another piece of litter tumbling down the street.

· Don't modify things that shouldn't be modified: unique, slightly
impossible, mostly alone, endlessly eternal. Unique, impossible,
alone, eternal and other words like them are ultimate words. Nothing
else is necessary to explain them. If someone is alone, there is no
one else with him. If another joins him, he is no longer alone.

· Look for redundancies: stood up (stood or arose), sat down (sat),
looked up at the sky (looked at the sky), little Chihuahua (this dog
is known for its small size so the `little' is not necessary), green
in color (green).

· Look for passive words or phrases and change them to active:
a. Weak: There was no way for us to get through the gate.
b. Better: We couldn't find a way to get through the gate.

Kind of, sort of, almost, maybe, somehow, -ing, be, been, being, are, was, is, will be, had, am, were, have

· Delete implied `that':
a. Weak: We thought that she was coming early.
b. Better: We thought she was coming early.

· Simplify. Unless you're writing a treatise on rocket science,
don't use words that require the reader to go searching for a
dictionary. If they have to figure out what you mean, you've lost
them. Remember that simple doesn't mean dull. Dance is dull, caper or
boogie is simple but interesting, terpsichorean is over the top.

· Look for repetitions, not only in words, but also in character
movements, multiple names or places all beginning with the same
letters, multiple paragraphs beginning with the same word(s). Try not
to use the same major word twice in the same paragraph:
a. Word stutter: That was the hardest test I've ever taken. What
did you think of the test?
b. Better: That was the hardest test I've ever taken. What did you
think of it?

· Get rid of weak words. The following list contains weak words
that need to be changed to stronger ones. This is by no means a
complete list, but it will get you started on the right path. Search
for these words and either use a different word or rewrite the
sentence in a stronger way.
Somewhat perhaps nearly very only
Just suddenly almost should would
Could feel/felt begin/began rather few
Seem appear quite really always

· Use contractions where appropriate for a friendlier tone. Have, could, would, are, will
Unless you're listing a series of at least three, too many commas mean that you have a dreaded run on sentence that needs to be rewritten to begin with. (Linda K)

. The word something! He does something to me. - what does he do? He makes me feel something I've never felt before - What WHAT??? What does he make you feel? Does he give you the shivers, make you hot, make you tired, make you want to dance? I almost think of this as a cop-out on the authors part - the author needs to describe something,

The Artful Critique Partner

August 21, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments THE ARTFUL CRITIQUE PARTNER

I will assume that there are two people in this partnership, though more may apply. One is the Author (A) and one is the crit partner (C).

When A sends a chapter to C, the document should have already been run through a spell/grammar check. (F-7 in Word). Word is imperfect. It will not catch all spelling and grammar mistakes, and sometimes it's just dead wrong. However, it is the first line of defense against unprofessional work. Use it.

Do not turn on Track Changes until I tell you to. Many publishers dislike the use of Track Changes, and this layered system of critiquing will cause Track Changes to go wild. Turn it off when I tell you to, as well. You'll be doing this a lot.

A full list of words to look for is available in a separate document upon request.
(This is what a macro does for you)

I will recommend the use of Edit/Replace with highlighting a lot. Here's how to use it:

1. Choose a Highlight Color. On my toolbar, the Highlight command looks like a pen with a colored line beneath it. When I click on the arrow beside that button, I get a choice of colors. Choose one.

2. To begin checking your ms, hit Cntrl-H. This puts you in the Edit/Replace window. Type in the word you wish to find.

Let's use the word "that" for an example. In the Find What box, type: that

3. In the Replace with box, type the same. Now it gets tricky. Using your mouse, highlight the "that" in the second box. Click on the More button. Click on the Format button. Click on the Highlight button. Check to make sure the lower box (Replace with) now has the word "highlight" beneath it. This is important.

4. Now, click Replace All. If you've done this correctly, all instances of the word "that" will now be highlighted.

5. Repeat with all words you wish to check for.

6. To remove a highlight that is not needed, click on the Highlight key arrow for the dropdown menu and choose "None." Now go to the incident you don't need highlight and use your mouse to erase.

Step One: Check for Content

The first thing any C should do is read through the chapter to get an overall "feel" for the work. I encourage the use of smiley faces, smart comments, and "kill that SOB!" comments. Let A know your gut reactions. Change your font color to red and let her know how you feel.

For true effectiveness, read the chapter aloud. This forces you, the reader, to slow down and read every word. Look for places where you stutter because of awkward phrasing, have to take a breath because the sentence is too long, and spelling errors the spell check did not catch. Note them in red font.

Step Two: Mechanics- keep your font red, and comment in the text.

1. Hooks- Look at the first paragraph. Were you immediately caught up in the action/emotions of the POV character? Look at the last paragraph. Were you intrigued and left wanting to go to the next chapter?

2. Senses- did A use the five senses (sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste) in a well-balanced manner to create a vivid picture?

3. Passive/Active- check for conjugation of "be" combined with a helping verb. (Examples: was willing, be herded.) You may use the Edit/Replace command to easily find the words: is, am, was, were, be. Then use the same Edit/Replace to find all words ending with -ing and -ed. I use yellow highlight for this. Anywhere you see yellow with yellow, you have a possible use of passive voice. Turn your font red, and type in (Passive?) when you are sure you've spotted an incident of passive voice. You are welcome to suggest an alternative phrasing, also in red font.

4. Adverbs- While adverbs can sometimes be the only answer, they are often over-used. Again, use Edit/Replace, changing the highlight to pale pink. Look for all instances of -ly. (Quietly, softly, exceptionally, entirely are some examples.) Look for the over-use of adverbs. Use the red font to suggest alternatives, especially in cases where A is "telling" instead of "showing."

5. "Wussy phrases"- Turn the highlight to light blue. Look for phrases like sometimes, sort of, kind of, almost, something. (Example: "She felt something when he kissed her. " Something? What? What did she feel? Shivers? Revulsion? Uncontrollable lust? Nausea?) Ask for clarification.

6. It and That- This is tricky. Use Edit/Replace and highlight in pink. (Example: "She felt that." What? A breeze? A cold hand?) Use red font when you see a need for more clarification or description and ask.

7. Lazy dialogue tags- Use the light green highlight and find all instances of commonly over-used and unemotional dialogue tags. (Examples: said, murmured, asked, answered.) Use red font to suggest a more emotive word like shouted, hissed, chortled, or demanded. Better still, suggest the tag be removed and a more emotive way used.

Wrong:

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Better:

"Are you sure?" she gasped.

Best:

She sucked in her breath, her eyes wide. "Are you sure?"

8. Now erase all highlighting. Control-A, highlight "none".

Step Three: POV

Go through the chapter again. Start with the first paragraph. Whose POV is it? Hero? Heroine? Other? If it is the hero, manually highlight in any color you choose. Continue through the scene until the POV changes. When you feel you are no longer in the original POV, change the highlight color code.

Example:

The pounding on the door forced her out of her bed. Since it was worse than the drumbeat in her skull, she vowed to murder whoever was beating on the wood like a jackhammer. She eased the door open an inch.

He lounged in the doorway, looking obscenely sexy for this hour of the morning. "You look like hell."

Cassie rubbed her aching head. "Thanks a lot. I vow never to drink tequila again."

She looked like temptation to him. He wanted to carry her back to bed and just hold her, but that wasn't the way to her heart. "I bring a peace offering." He hefted a styrofoam cup from her favorite coffee shop. POV change! Head-hopping alert.

"Leave me alone and let me die in peace." She slammed the door in his face and crawled back to bed.


Step Four: Conflict/Motivation

1. Is it clear why the characters are acting the way they are? Does this follow the previously established goals or is this a side trip into Never-Never Land? Does A give good, clear reasons for their behavior? Are they believable? Example: Hey! Why is she suddenly ready to jump his bones when she's a virgin?

2. Are the characters displaying flaws and virtues, or at least clear character traits? Are they interacting realistically? Example: Why is he acting like a certified jackass?

Step Five: Overall Comment

Give an overall comment at the bottom. Say something nice, if you must say something bad. Example: Loved the interaction between this supernatural being and the human. Made them both seem so realistic. Good job!

You'll note I did not use Track Changes. You may substitute every time I said, "change the font to red" and turn on and off Track Changes throughout, but turn it off every time you use the Edit/Replace/Highlight command. I did it the simplistic way this time. This is confusing enough.

As a final note, I suggest you discuss with your editor her personal "pet peeves" in the editing process. Some editors have a special dislike such as using conjunctions at the beginning of sentences, or passive voice. Find out what your editor's peeves are. Many editors will work with you to correct your personal bad habits. "Okay, in this book you had a problem with X. I want you to be more diligent about that habit in your next book."

Lena

Feeding the Hag

August 20, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments Self-editing is why my former editor Raven called "Feeding the Hag Within." That hag
is a nagging bitch, but she must be fed her dose of your blood and sweat.

I have a stepped system for keeping my hag fed. Use it or not, as pleases you.

1. Write a chapter. Puke it out, and don't fret too much at first. Okay, use
Word to correct the spelling and easy stuff as you go, but just get the words
out of your head and on "paper."

2. Now, go back and do a little self-edit. Use Word's spell/grammar check at minimum. Don't be too harsh. It's not worth it at this level. If your crit partners have certain pet peeves, make a game of it to fix them. I have a POV maven, a hook specialist, and a "repetitive word" wizard among my crit partners, bless their meticulous souls.

3. Send to the crit partners. Print one hard copy and make all the suggested changes on it. Decide what you like and what you don't. I've had a crit partner suggest removing a character entirely from the story before, and I refused. I had plans for her, but she needed to be introduced early before she was necessary to the plot. Then again, another crit partner slashed the hell out of my first chapter, telling me it was unnecessary backstory. She was right. Take what you can use.

4. Make the changes to the draft on your computer all at once. Now is the time to let the Hag rampage. Find all the passive voice, POV issues, and anything else the crit partners didn't find. (HAH! Good crit partners find them for you and spare your head the strain, 99% of the time.) Check for balance between dialogue, emotion, introspection, conflict, and settings. All those things that feed the inner Hag in a happy gorge.

Note: After Step 4, if you have Test Readers, now is the time to use them. Create one master document, insert page numbers, and send to the readers. This will not be the document you send in, but it makes it easier for the Test Reader to have one doc.

5. When the story is done and all the chapters have been bundled together, you feed the Hag one last time. Read through for consistency of names, etc. Give yourself a deadline, and stick to it, or you'll overfeed the Hag and freeze. The greedy bitch will eat you alive if you let her.

6. Now, send to your editor so she can feed her Hag. That's her job. Let her do it. No draft is ever perfect. If you've done your best to send in a clean, professionally formatted copy free of spelling and grammatical errors, then you have done your job. Now let your editor do hers.

Hags and Crit Partners

August 19, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments I am a member of a professional critique loop. They are the most wonderful women in the world, and they adhere to strong guidelines.

However, there's one guideline I'd love to see added --multiple offerings of the same chapter. I can see uploading the first time, finding you have major revisions, and uploading a second time for a final check-through. Most of the ladies do no more than that.

It's a pet peeve of mine, and IMHO an abuse of your crit partners, to offer the same chapter repeatedly. Twice is my limit, and only after major revisions. After that, you're nit-picking or looking for more than I can give.

That's one version of over-editing, or as I call it, over-feeding your Hag. We all have that inner editor who is a Hag. She's the bitch that keeps whispering foul things in your ear that make you lose confidence.

There's also another Hag - The over-zealous crit partner. The one who shreds your chapter, insists on knowing "Why?" to everything, and inserts her own voice unnecessarily because she didn't like the way you phrased something.

Occasionally not liking a turn of phrase is warranted. I have a foul mouth, and sometimes I go overboard or out of character. When my crit partners call me on it, they usually do so in droves.

I use and recommend crit partners. Get at least three to four. You want a democracy, just in case your style of writing brings out the Hag in someone.

One crit partner can be a pure "reader." That person is for the overall gut emotional reaction. She has to be willing to say more than, "Good!" I want to see smiley faces, laughter, calling the villain a rat b*stard, and smart comments to the characters. One of my all-time favorites was when my hero was pontificating a bit to the heroine. "Yes, Master Yoda!" told me more effectively than all the other crit partners combined that he was being an *ss.

I know I've done well when Terrie (who is my "reader") laces my chapters with comments, or shouts in the middle "Slit that SOB's throat!" If I can make Terrie grab her SO and run to the bedroom, laugh, sniffle, or tell me what an *ss the villain is, her words carry more weight than those who merely check my grammar. (Not that I have a crit partner like that anymore.)

Please, do it now. Team up. Find those compatible personalities. Find those professionals who write like you do. If you like dark, visceral tales find someone who writes them. If you are a "sweetness and light" fantasy writer, find someone who likes them. Get the idea? Historical writers should team up with others of that skill. That kind of in-depth research drives me bonkers unless the time period is an interest of mine. I'm not going to argue when buttonhooks were used or when the zipper became common.


Lena

M’s Rant on Punctuation, Style and Grammar

August 18, 2008 on 11:00 am | In Writing Lessons | No Comments Punctuation
NO TABS. EVER. FOR ANYTHING.
Dialogue: “ALL punctuation inside the quotes. Exception for clarity -- ‘
single quotes inside a piece of dialogue at the end of a sentence’.”
“Use a comma at the end of a quote before a dialogue tag,” she said, “Not
a period. I keep seeing period quote capitol letter. No.” She went on to explain that you only use a period inside the quotes if the narrative that follows is NOT a dialogue tag, but is, in fact, a stand alone sentence.

Commas: Commas are not whimsical creatures to be sprinkled on a manuscript
like cayenne pepper in a Cajun restaurant. If you see them wandering about
loose please corral them and put them back where they belong.
Acceptable uses of commas: Parenthetical expressions, such as “In fact” in
the dialogue explanation, should be set off by commas. If you can take the
phrase out of the sentence without changing the sentence structure it’s a
parenthetical expression. (Parenthetical expressions should be set off by
commas.)
Use serial commas before conjunctions. An example would be items, numbers,
and names in a list. Adjectives, however, do not get set off by commas. No
commas are needed in describing a big blue house.

Style:
Breaking the rules is fun and sometimes gives us all a little thrill of
guilty pleasure. While I can live with an occasional sentence fragment --
actually as a writer I’m quite fond of them -- comma splices and run on sentences
are simply bad grammar. Hunt them down and kill them, please.

Redundancy: If the main character runs her hands through her hair when she’s
nervous, it’s a character trait. Is she runs her hands through her hair
every place you cut the dialogue tag, just so that we can tell who’s speaking, it’
s redundant.

Dialogue Tags: Hunt them down like the rodents they are and kill them. “He
said” is fine for a forth grade composition. By adult literature we expect
something a tad less obtrusive and a lot more informative.
Examples:
“You turned back time to spend this evening with me?” she asked.
“Almost,” he admitted. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Without the dialogue tags:
She eyed the clock suspiciously. “You turned back time to spend this evening
with me?”
“Almost.” He opened his palm, revealing the two double A batteries he’d
liberated. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Adverbs have pretty much gone out of style in modern fiction. Usually an
adverb is a shortcut -- a way for an author to TELL you something rather than
showing us the action through description. He moved quickly and quietly VS He
crossed the room, his weight on the balls of his feet as he slunk from shadow
to shadow.

Speaking of which, SHOW don’t TELL is an old and well respected rule. Just
because we’re short doesn’t mean authors can get away with narrating huge
blocks of plot between the sex. We want action, not court reporting.
While our books are short, we still need breaks. Chapters are nice.

Preferable not more than ten to fifteen pages long. Its very handy if the book is not
all one continuous chapter. Our readers are busy people, on the go, and may
well not be able to read the book in one sitting.

Within Chapters, scene breaks are often quite helpful, divided either by a
white space or a set of THREE asterisks. Within scenes, it’s also useful to
have smaller subdivisions, known as paragraphs. A few of our authors do not
understand this concept. There is simply no justification for a two page long
paragraph in short fiction. If nothing else, count. No more than eight properly
formatted lines to a paragraph, please.

Point of View. The standard rule is one scene, one POV. While an experienced
author may find it necessary or even advisable to switch POV within a scene,
an author has to demonstrate to me that she KNOWS the rule before she can
break it.

He climbed the stairs, his gaze flicking ahead into the darkness. He knew
she was waiting for him. Somewhere. Alone in the darkness, waiting. His heart
beat in a short, staccato rhythm as he rounded the last bend on the landing.
The weapon felt cool against her skin, separate, apart from her, an
instrument of the Lord’s work, refusing to absorb her body heat. She could feel him.
Sense his presence. Closer. Closer.
A breeze snuck in through an open window. A dull thud announced his
presence. Silly humans. When would they learn not to put plants on the window sill?
He stopped at to survey the damage. Thankfully he wouldn’t have to clean it
up. Some days it was useful not having hands. He screeched in outrage as the
woman stepped back on his tail.

OK. Not only is this awful, but we’ve got three paragraphs in three POVs.
How do you tell? Well, she simply CAN NOT know that his heart is beating in a
short staccato rhythm unless she’s removed it and it’s laying in her hand. Nor
can HE know the temperature of the “weapon” -- she’s holding a 357 Banana,
btw, as it’s a live action role playing scenario.

The cat’s POV does not add anything to the scene.

This is what it should look like when it comes back:
She could hear the sound of his footfalls as he crept up the old, winding
staircase. She held her breath, trying hard not to give her presence away. He
was getting close. The floorboards let out a fain groan as he reached the
landing.
The weapon felt cool against her skin, separate, apart from her, an
instrument of the Lord’s work, refusing to absorb her body heat. She could feel him.
Sense his presence. Closer. Closer.
A breeze tugged at the hem of her shirt. A dull thud behind her startled
her, eliciting a small gasp. The cat screeched in outrage as she stepped back on
his tail. So much for the element of surprise…

And lastly, there’s the sex. We’re short, hot, erotica. No cheating! I don’
t care if there are 3 sex scenes back to back -- I’m assuming they’re all
integral to the plot or they wouldn’t be there. Don’t tell me they spent the
whole night making love. We’re not in that much of a hurry to get to the next
action sequence, trust me. WRITE THE SEX SCENES! Unless it makes you go EWWWW
we simply can’t get too hot or too sexy. No necrophilia, incest, kiddy porn,
small fuzzy animals, and no bodily functions -- other than Sahara’s
occasional fart -- no scat or snuff. Other than that, almost anything goes! And I don’
t like to see M/M sex scenes with less detail just because they’re two men.
We still need the grunting and groaning and thrusting -- as well as the
emotions.

Hope this is of some help to someone somewhere...

M (aka Margaret Reilly, owner of Changeling Press)